Garden of Peace Summary

These are just the main points of the book Garden of Peace by Rabbi Shalom Arush. You should read the book yourself, but for a very quick overview without expanding on any of the points in this book you have come to the right place. May the God of peace grant you all peace and joy in your homes.

Ch 1
-Get married. Man was not meant to be alone. Pray specifically for God to give you a wife.

Ch 2
-The wife is like a mirror. Anything unpleasant you see in her is a reflection of unpleasantness in you. Once you fix yourself she will automatically be fixed as well.

-A husband is like the sun and his wife like the moon. The moon can only reflect the light given to it by the sun.

-Women cannot accept criticism while men can. Don't EVER say anything negative about your wife or her actions.

Ch 3
-The wife has to be first place in her husband's life. First even above his job, his religion, and his own children. If the husband puts his wife first she will also give him room for all those other things.

Ch 4
-Be a man. Men are designed to give while women are designed to receive. A man doesn't desire honor while a woman NEEDS honor.

Ch 5
-A husband must honor his wife. In the home the wife is the general and the husband is the captain.

Ch 6
-A husband must be pure and holy. A husband who lusts after his wife sexually becomes repulsive to her. Also when a husband seeks to receive his own sexual satisfaction rather than his wife's satisfaction he stops fulfilling the male role as the giver and he becomes the receiver. This can also lead to him hating his wife.

Ch 7
-Prayer is so powerful to change a person. Consistent personal prayer can bring a person to repentance, and even give them a distaste for the things of the world and a hunger for the things of God.

Ch 8
-When there is peace in the home God dwells within it. A husband must first show kindness and love to his wife before he shows it to others. The wife's priorities come first.

-A husband must constantly show gratitude to his wife and should even make a notebook to write all the thinks he is thankful to his wife for.

Ch 9
-Without peace being achieved in the home the couple will always feel like they are in need of something.

-A husband must be willing to give up his own honor for the sake of peace with his wife, otherwise he will lose both.

-With disciplining the children a husband must always side with his wife, even if he feels she is being too hard on them. In the end it will be better for everyone.

-A husband must also side with his wife in her complaints about his or her parents. The parents really value their children's happy marriage over their own honor.

-A man may feel constricted by his marriage. This constriction is healthy and a gift from God to help him mature spiritually.

-When a man feels that his wife is distracting him or pulling him away from God he should all the more lavish her with love and seek to fix anything wrong in his own life and pray for her repentance.

Ch 10
-Marriage is a true test of faith.

-We must be happy with our lot. "Who is truly rich? The one who is satisfied with his portion."

-A husband must notice when his wife is not happy and realize that something is not right in the home, even if he thinks everything is going well. The wife is the actual gauge to the peace in the marriage.

-When a husband is kicked out of the house he must see this as a huge gift from God to examine himself and repent. He should not seek right away to be brought back into the home but rather should focus on fixing himself, then his wife will automatically invite him back home.

-When a wife complains to friends or relatives instead of her husband it means she feels she cannot trust him for support. A husband should ensure his wife never feels that way.

-Divorce happens because we lack the faith that God is using our marriage to fix our own character flaws. If we don't fix ourselves no matter how many times we remarry there will never be peace in the home.

Ch 11
-It is a man's duty to provide financially for his wife.

-A man must not burden his wife with the discussion of debts. It's his responsibility, not hers.

-A husband must be generous and give his wife as much money as she wants without asking her to make an account of how she spends it. And he must also give her many gifts.

-A man must trust that God will provide for him everything his wife needs. If she needs "more than he can afford" for some shoes or a new dress he must give her the money for it and trust God to provide him with the way to afford it.

Ch 12
-There are especially trying times in a marriage: first year, pregnancy, monthly period, family crisis, etc. Have faith and don't give up. Learn to recognize when those times are so you can act appropriately.

-The first year of marriage is a special time for a couple to build a strong foundation. Avoid having too many guests or other distractions from each other.

-Husbands need to keep in mind that women are different than men and get enthusiastic about different things than men do. But wives need their husband's full support for their enthusiasm.

-A wife needs to hear her husband praise her multiple times every day.

-A woman can sense when her husband is serving her only out of duty and his heart is not in it. What she really wants is her husband's heart.

-A woman needs her husband to listen to her with his full attention. Even if he's bored or his mind is on something else he must give her his full attention.

-A husband must approach his wife always with a happy face showing how happy he is to see her. Before he approaches her he must clear his mind of all else that may be making him unhappy otherwise she will think that she is the reason for his unhappiness.

-A husband must be quick to lend his wife a helping hand in any task no matter how mundane it may seem to him.

-A husband must always give his wife the benefit of the doubt and realize that there is a good reason she is behaving a certain way.

-A husband must not be lazy. It is not good for his wife to see him around the house too much. He must be up early in the morning and be seen by his wife as ambitious and loving.

-A husband must be careful to never say or do anything that will hurt his wife. He is her security and she needs to trust him as such.

-In an argument you don't have to be right. Having peace in the home is more important than being right.

-To avoid hurting his wife and to maintain peace in the home a husband should never mention to his wife a mistake she made. He must let those things remain in the past.

-A husband must always try to be sympathetic toward his wife and relieve her stress in a sensitive and loving way.

Ch 13
-When looking for your mate first pray that God will bring her to you. God is the one who knows each person's heart, and he will set up the best match.

-Don't expect to find "The perfect girl"; she doesn't exist. Remember that marriage will be difficult and force us to have more faith and patience. It will be a lot of work. But it will be so worth it.

-Don't fool yourself into thinking you have to get to know the person so well before you can marry them. No matter how long you date someone to try to get to know them you will never REALLY start to know them until you are married and building a life together. So as you are dating there is no need to probe so deeply into the person's life. Just keep it simple and basic.

-Don't get hung up on the other person's, or your own, past. Remember there is always grace and repentance. Instead focus on the kind of person she is / you are today.

Ch 14
-The marriage contract says you will be the sole provider for your wife in many matters: financially, emotionally, sexually, etc. Remember you are the giver and she is the receiver. Make sure you are fulfilling your contract to her.

-Your wife is yours alone after you say to her, "you are set apart to me....." Cherish and value her.

-Pray together with your wife. Make your home a holy place so that the divine presence of God may also dwell with you in your home.